I’m going to tell you right away that this is going to be a much more personal post than usual. You’ve been warned. Hopefully though, it will be one that will jumpstart this blog again. As I’m sure everyone has noticed, I’ve really let things slide in the last year or so, particularly in the last few months.
It used to be that whenever I found it hard to blog as often as I thought I should – whether due to a lack of time or lack of inspiration – I would always feel pretty bad about it. I would also worry that people would stop coming. Which, as fears go, isn’t totally unwarranted. Blogs pretty much rely on a steady stream of new content. However, I’ve also come to realize that it’s perfectly reasonable to not be able or feel inspired to blog regularly week in and week out (I have been doing this for over six years, after all). It’s perfectly natural to have to take a break from time to time. More importantly, forcing myself to write would be completely counterproductive. It would turn a hobby and source of joy into nothing but a chore, and that really wasn’t what I wanted. So, I’ve allowed myself to take a step back. Besides, I also knew that there was enough content available already to satisfy newcomers at least.
To be perfectly honest, the past year has been rough for me on a personal level. My trip to Baltimore Comic Con last September was a real high point, and I’m so grateful I was able to pull that off. It was also a strange reminder of how long it had been since I felt that happy. I’d almost forgotten what that was like and that was a bit of a wake up call as well. Somewhere along the line, I’d lost my spark, and gotten completely stuck in a rut.
At the same time, the past year, and particularly the last few months have been very busy in terms of work. That phase is now behind me, which on the one hand is wonderful (I finally actually have time to blog without having to sacrifice sleep!), but on the other hand has given me too much time to dwell on things. And that can be scary. Burying yourself in work is a great coping mechanism for when there are things you’re just not ready to deal with.
One of the major things I’ve had to contend with over the last year was my decision to finally admit to myself that I’m primarily attracted to other women. Even in a very socially liberal family, in a very socially liberal country, I’ve had a bit of an identity crisis that I’m still in the middle of. Yes, I told you this would be a personal post, and I’m telling you this for the sole reason that it terrifies me to do so. If there’s anything you can learn from Daredevil, it’s standing up to your fears.
My love of Daredevil has not diminished over time, quite the contrary. It’s a bit ironic that my slump has come at a time when the Daredevil title itself has been so consistently great. Amazingly, it’s often felt like events in the comic have come to me at the perfect time. The current creative team’s handling of Matt’s emotional struggles have been great, and in light of my decision to come out, the gratitude I expressed for the new addition to the Daredevil cast in my review of Daredevil #1 (vol 4) came from a very personal place.
I’ve never really been one of those fans who particularly identify with Matt Murdock. I’ve always cared for the character, obviously, but I’ve never really felt like we had much in common. Now I find myself drawing strength from him. I also recognize the tendency to want to bury things, and it will be interesting to see what Daredevil will have to face in the next few issues. I suspect the current storyline has come at a perfect time as well.
I’d also like to take this opportunity to talk to you about my oft-mentioned “secret project,” which is another thing that needs rebuilding, for very different reasons. The project in question is a book I’ve been researching and working on, on and off for the last couple of years, under the working title of The (Unofficial) Science of Daredevil. This is not something I’ve intended to make a lot of money from (if any), and I’m probably going to either self-publish or, more likely, release it as an ebook. But it’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. Sadly, during the summer, a colleague spilled juice all over my laptop and pretty much annihilated everything on my hard drive. Much of the content was already backed up in various places. The huge Excel sheet which contained sensory annotations of well over one hundred issues was not (though some part of me still suspects I have it backed up on a flash drive somewhere, because I have a distinct memory of saving it somewhere). I was heart broken when it happened.
However, I’ve chosen not to invest the time and energy into looking into whether the hard drive can be restored by someone other than the Apple store, since I know that would still be a long shot. More importantly, I’ve also realized that this particular project within a project, was always a way of stalling anyway. I don’t need it to write the book. It may have even kept me from sitting down to do the really hard work of just writing. So, rather than get discouraged, I’m going to take it as a sign that I should just get on with the book as I imagined it originally. I’m also going to set a new deadline for myself and work to have it ready in time for the Daredevil Netflix series.
I’m now recommitting to this project, and this blog. But I think I need some help from you guys. Now, more than ever, I’d love some post ideas to get me going again. There will be plenty of news to report as we draw closer to the premiere of the Netflix show. That aside, are there any questions you’d like me to answer? Characters you’d like me pick apart? Is there any major topic that I have yet to cover on this blog? Any and all ideas and suggestions are most appreciated.
Thank you all for “listening.” And to all of you who comment and keep the conversation going here at The Other Murdock Papers, your contributions mean so much to me. More than you’ll ever know.